Two managers corrected Week 1's mistakes to the letter and got punished for it, a backup quarterback decided a game from the bench on Monday night, and three of the five results would have flipped with a better lineup. The desk went 4–1 and is insufferable about it.
The accounting, which this week is a pleasure. Five picks in last Thursday's late-filed preview; four held: jsdivine, divinethought, ITouchd0wnThere, and the desk's own franchise. The fifth was BrennaLynne, taken on the theory that her lineup had been fixed. The theory is addressed below. The tape has been reinstated from administrative leave, with conditions.
The week's high score, the week's biggest margin (111.54), and a lineup set with such precision that its best possible nine scored exactly 190.02. Josh Allen 46.82, CeeDee Lamb 35.30, Travis Kelce 25.10, and 16.00 from a kicker. jsdivine is 2–0 with a league-best 333.18 points. The thermostat reads hot. The desk has lived here long enough to know it has one other setting.
The grief paragraph belongs to sammyyy29, and it was earned symmetrically. In Week 1, Jake Ferguson started and scored 2.6 while Isaiah Likely scored 27.8 on the bench. This desk's Week 1 recap said, and we quote, "Somebody is starting Isaiah Likely this time." Somebody did. Likely scored 8.30. Ferguson scored 20.30 on the bench. Last week's lesson, learned perfectly, applied to the wrong week. The 78.48 was the league's lowest score, sammyyy29 now has the league's fewest points (180.14).
The desk's only miss, and the most instructive. Last week BrennaLynne's bench outscored her starters, and the preview said: "Field the best nine and this is a 130-point team." Her best nine this week was 161.36. It would have beaten the champion by 2.40. Instead, Davante Adams scored 39.50 on the bench while Malik Nabers started for 1.10, and Omarion Hampton, a second-round pick, scored 17.50 on the bench behind Jacory Croskey-Merritt's 5.80. The desk was right about the problem, wrong that it had been solved, and low on the ceiling by 31 points. BrennaLynne left 50.40 on the bench, the widest lineup gap in the league.
alyssagenther, meanwhile, set a perfect lineup: 0.00 left on the bench, one of only two in the league. Dak Prescott 37.76, Amon-Ra St. Brown 35.20, Christian McCaffrey 22.60, and Nico Collins, correctly benched, 0.00. The title defense is 1–1 and now stands 3–3 in this series.
Disclosure, and a confession. The desk's own franchise is 2–0, a sentence the desk is still getting used to typing. The receivers came back: Ja'Marr Chase 26.50, DeVonta Smith 27.70. Dalton Kincaid, reinstated over the gut, scored 22.50, with Michael Mayer's 5.30 on the bench as the formal response. Lineup efficiency: 2.00 points left on the bench, third-best in the league.
Now the confession. mmcatee01's best possible lineup was 171.18, and it would have beaten us. George Kittle scored 18.00 on the bench while Hunter Henry started for 7.00; TreVeyon Henderson scored 13.60 on the bench behind Saquon Barkley, who was limited to 3.00 after a stinger. The desk won this game on the other side's lineup screen. And the kicker differential the preview declined to describe: Brandon Aubrey 17.00, the desk's kicker 8.00. The belief system scored nine points on us and would like it noted that faith was never the problem. mmcatee01 still leads the series 4–3.
The preview called this the closest game on the board. It was decided by 35.22, and the running-back fortress had almost nothing to do with it: Bijan Robinson 11.10, Ashton Jeanty 10.30. Jared Goff, the thirteenth-round quarterback, scored 37.78, and the Vikings defense added 18.00. That is three straight in the series for divinethought, now even at 3–3, and a 2–0 start built on the one position the desk said was a mistake. The desk is considering apologizing to Goff.
Dawnieo's quarterback carousel took another turn. At press time Thursday, Drake Maye was starting. By kickoff it was Trevor Lawrence again, who scored 6.16, while Maye scored 8.02 on the bench. DJ Moore left Thursday's game early with a shoulder injury. The early-quarterback file remains open and is getting thicker.
The week's closest game, decided Monday night, by the bench,. In Week 1 jgirsby started Matthew Stafford (4.1) over Brock Purdy (27.1). The preview asked whether the problem was the roster or the chair it sat in. The correction was made: Purdy started and scored a perfectly good 32.48. jgirsby carried a 99.98–94.82 lead into Monday. Then Stafford scored 34.98 on the bench in the Monday game, and in that same game the Rams defense scored 12.00 for ITouchd0wnThere. Final margin: 1.84.
Either swap wins it. Stafford for Purdy is worth 2.50. Juwan Johnson's 10.60 on the bench, behind a starting Dallas Goedert at 1.40, is worth 9.20. Last week's recap contained exactly this sentence, so the desk will repeat it: both swaps were available. jgirsby drafted both quarterbacks, in rounds ten and thirteen, and has now benched the one who went off two weeks running. The chair, it turns out, is the problem.
ITouchd0wnThere won with 106.82, having lost Caleb Williams to a hamstring injury in the fourth quarter (more below). 2–0, 5–1 in the series.
No jokes in this section. Week 2 was a hard weekend for injuries around the league, and several of them landed on rosters in this one. Status is as of Tuesday and will move; check the official reports before setting a lineup.
The desk wishes every one of them a quick recovery.
Fourteen moves since the last issue, which here counts as a riot, and the season's first real money. Last week's column reported a $100 FAAB budget nobody had touched; it went to press Tuesday, and on Wednesday morning alyssagenther bid $21 on Jalen Coker. Coker started this week, scored 14.60, and was part of one of the league's two perfect lineups. The same batch brought four $0 claims: Eddy Pineiro to alyssagenther, Romeo Doubs and Devaughn Vele to Dawnieo, and the Buccaneers defense to jsdivine, which scored 2.00.
Later in the week, jgirsby spent $1 on Malachi Fields, who started, scored 5.00, and belonged to a team that lost by 1.84. jsdivine claimed Jordan Love for $0; he scored 17.80 on the bench of a team that did not need him. sammyyy29 released Montorie Foster for Caleb Douglas (3.90, bench), closing the file on pick 14. D1LLIGAF released Marvin Harrison, its round-eight pick, after a 0.00 and signed Devin Singletary, who scored 0.90 on the bench Monday night. The analytics department has no comment. ITouchd0wnThere added Xavier Hutchinson.
The loop of the week: BrennaLynne released Quentin Johnston, her fifteenth-round pick, who started Week 1 and scored 3.70. alyssagenther picked him up Sunday and benched him for 2.40. Trades: none. League-wide FAAB spent: $22 of $1,000, $21 of it by one manager. The rest of the pool is untouched and, the desk assumes, accruing interest.
jsdivine (2-0) vs BrennaLynne (0-2) — the league's best lineup against the league's best bench. One of those is about to be tested.
mmcatee01 (0-2) vs sammyyy29 (0-2) — somebody gets their first win. Aubrey kicks for the belief system; sammyyy29 picks a tight end and hopes.
alyssagenther (1-1) vs divinethought (2-0) — a 2–0 team that won with its quarterback against a champion who finally showed up.
D1LLIGAF (2-0) vs jgirsby (0-2) — the desk's own franchise against the chair. Whichever quarterback jgirsby benches, the desk suggests starting the other one.
ITouchd0wnThere (2-0) vs Dawnieo (1-1) — undefeated Septembers against a quarterback decision that may change after press time. Again.